I could sit here and ramble on about my self but that would bore even the most forbearing of us. But allow me to bring you up to speed. I'm just starting to figure out this business most call family -In doing so I've met some pretty amazing people along the way. Come join me as I awkwardly navigate through this conundrum known as life finding family, friends, and a home while trying not to be arrested, lost, or killed
I am really bad with names
especially with guys
No, I’m serious. I am. It’s a miracle if I walk away from having a conversation with you and remember your name. But that’s how it is with everyone.
“Oh I met this guy and he’s really awesome and-“
“What’s his name?”
“… I dunno.”
All the time, but what REALLY fucks me over is when I finally get a person’s name down and SUDDENLY THEY HAVE A TWIN! Like an identical twin. THAT’S JUST NOT EVEN FAIR TO MY BRAIN!
“Hallo! I’m Kazmir”
“und zis ist mein Bruder Kayetan.”
Meanwhile I’m standing there trying not to look like an idiot while my brain is all
“WELL SHIT! THEY BOTH LOOK THE SAME! HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA REMEMBER WHO’S WHO NOW?!…. DAMMIT WHAT WAS HIS NAME AGAIN!?”
- Before I can even manage a hello
- Sam: MOOOOOM JESUS CHRIST MOM! MOM! MOOOOOM! WE'RE FUCKING BACK! WE'RE GETTING SHIPPED BACK! ALSKDNG;ALSJKDBNGH;ALJWE *insert more deep Mississippi jibberish I can't understand* ...MOM? YOU THERE MOM?
- Me: Scotty...
- Scott: Yes ma'am?
- Me: Where are they shipping you home to.
- Scott: Atlanta, ma'am.
- Me: Stop calling me ma-
- Sam: MOM! MOM, YOU'RE STILL IN GA RIGHT? RIGHT MOM?! WE'RE ALMOST IN GA MOM!
- Me: ...yes Sam... I'm still in Ga.
- Simon: Who's that?
- Me: *completely numb* S-Simon... can we move to Canada?
HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED SAM AND SCOTTY SHOULD BE FINISHING UP THEIR CONTRACTS THIS YEAR
THEY’LL BE FREE TO TORMENT! AND USMC TRAINED
I’M NOT READY! OH GOD PUT THEM BACK! TAAAAKKKEEE THEM BAAAACKKKKK!!